Roy's Busy Bowels
by Omnipots
Summary: In the busy world Roy finds himself bustling in, he learns that sometimes it may be better to take life in stride and with chili.
1. Chapter 1

ROY'S BUSY BOWELS

He stood there, compound bow in hand, looking out into the distance. He didn't really care if people thought his facial expression mimicked that of constipation. After all, he was a killjoy. And a good one at that.

It just proved that he was the baddest badass in all history. And that he might actually be constipated. (But, you'll probably have to ask him about that. I don't like promoting propaganda.)

His auburn hair reflected the sun's dulling hue, and created a mixture of smoke and fire atop his head. No matter the expressions he exuded, he would not be Batman, and that scowl would only make his skin wrinkle even faster. But, nonetheless, he scowled. And smirked. And tried to rap. But really he's not to blame.

I mean, after all, he _is_ Roy Harper.

…

Okay. Maybe Roy was constipated. Or his globe-trotting had screwed up his schedule so much he didn't even know when or where he should go. Sure, it enhanced his killjoy expression, but he didn't look forward to the consequences.

At all.

After all, his trip to Rhelasia would have to wait. This was a matter of urgency. Just before he set his compound bow down in the front of his apartment, his phone started vibrating.

With an audible sigh, Roy thought, _Do not be Ollie. Do not be Ollie. Or else I'm shooting myself with that poison arrow. _

When Roy picked up his phone he was both annoyed and relieved that the caller was not Ollie. It was Wally. Roy bringing up a finger to his temple, mimicking death by gun and thought _What could Wally possibly want right now? _

"_Hello?_" Roy answered in that voice. (You know. The voice that enunciates like there's an impending apocalypse. )

"Roy. Roy. Roy. Rooooy," Wally paused to gulp a breath in and started again, "You_ have_ to come to the cave. Like, _right now_."

Roy immediately picked up his compound bow, now in briefcase form, and his arms tensed. "What's going on?"

"Kaldur just made some chili. It's so good. You _have_ to come." Roy was pretty sure he could hear Wally salivating.

Almost immediately, Roy's eyes transformed into tiny little slits as he heard Wally's sad excuse of a reason to come to the cave. Roy was pretty sure that he was going to hit Wally over the head, for making chili sound like the apocalypse.

"_Seriously_? You called me to tell me Kaldur made chili? I don't even think that's worth a text." Roy loosened grip on the quasi-briefcase and his expression went deadpan as soon as he opened up the door to the apartment.

"But-but. Roy. You have to. _Please_," Over the phone Wally feigned a sad excuse of crying. "_For me_?"

"For _you_?" Roy made an extremely uncharacteristic noise. A snort. "Who do you think you-" But then a light bulb flashed in Roy's mind.

Chili would probably be the perfect thing for his bowels. And there would probably be more variety of food then the stale packages of ramen in his apartment. Besides, Wally had raided all the quasi-healthy food in his apartment a week ago.

So, Roy agreed. But it wasn't for Wally.

It was for fiber.


	2. Chapter 2

After Roy had locked the door to his apartment he set out with his "briefcase" with one thing on his mind.

The cave.

Usually, he would sneer the name internally, but now all Roy could think about was whether they had good restroom facilities. And, if they had hand sanitizers.

But before he could get to the cave there was another thing he had to accomplish.

Roy started for the elevator, with a determined expression. Unfortunately he had failed to notice the blond-haired man in his peripheral vision. Roy must have been squinting his eyes in what one knows as the perfect mixture of annoyance and discomfort.

"Roy?" Roy knew that voice.

It was the voice that had told him to fetch a bow from a crocodile pit.

Roy diverted his attention from staring straight at the doors of the elevator and turned to face his former mentor, Green Arrow. Or as Green Arrow wanted Roy to call him, Ollie-pop. But unfortunately for Green Arrow, Roy would only go so far as Oliver, nowadays.

"What are you doing here?" Roy asked in a rather flat tone.

Before Oliver could answer Roy noticed that one of his shoulders drooped from some unseen weight. Roy's eyes traced down from his shoulder to his hand. Immediately Roy noticed a bag seemingly full of rectangular shaped items.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." Ollie shifted uncomfortably and scratched the back of his neck before saying, "Uh. Well. I heard that you were in Rhelasia."

"Soon enough, yeah." Roy cleared his throat.

The silence between them was so awkward, that Roy almost wished he had a hat to throw down. Clearly, Ollie didn't want it to end, but Roy needed it to. I mean, with his situation and all.

"Well. I have to go," Roy curtly cut through the silence.

Almost immediately, the elevator doors opened and Roy walked stiffly into the elevator. He breathed a sigh of relief, but reminded himself not to use his nose as he breathed again.


End file.
